09 junho 2017

When an author knows you so well

It doesn't make any sense to say that Katherine Mansfield, the new zeland writer, knows me because she died long before I was born. But it is true when I say that we have a story together. 
In 2010, I was totally lost about my college paper that would help me finish the course, I thought about it a thousand times because when you have to write about something that your teacher gives you the theme, you have a guide so it's easy to start working on something, but when you're free to choose a theme and you are like me, you're gonna get lost. Till this day I don't know what I want, I like a bunch of stuff, but I still don't know what I love. 
And in some point of my search, I watched a seminar about Katherine Mansfield short story Bliss and it was love at first "sight". I don't know why exactly, but her writing touched me enough to start working on my paper on the next minute after the seminar. That year I studied her as much as I could, I read her short stories, I read her diary, and it was like I was reading every peace of her. I felt so intimate with her, she was my best friend, because I was able to see how she saw the world and that was a strong connection. 

After my presentation, I steped back for some time to look at the bigger picture, I was a graduated student and I was working, but I didn't know how to continue growing and I had to focus all my energy on that: finding what I love, and in a sense, finding myself and she was left aside for some time. 

But then, this year, 2017, I was lost again, trying to look at the bigger picture and not finding what I was supposed to find, and I really wanted to take some action and start living something better, but again I didn't know where to go and on a cloudy night, I was looking at my bookshelf and I found her. It was like she had a real presence, I felt like I needed to read that book to find something that I didn't remember what it was and then I found it. I found the happiness to read again, I found some time to relax and focus on myself, on what I really loved doing and everything made me think about "what was pushing me away from what I love?" and then I started to see some answers, like: I didn't like my job, so what could I do? and I didn't like my routine, so what could I do?
New ideas, new positive thoughts and hope that I could change my live started to grow on me. She acted like a real friend for the second time in my life. So this text, it's my way of saying thank you for someone that I don't know if it's listening to me. But I just wanna get it out of my system and be grateful. Just grateful.

0 comentários:

Postar um comentário